sooo.. i have one my Grandma told us about 30 years ago.. made me laugh hard as it was my Grandma telling it.. grosses out people but dang it.. my Grandma told it and it's funny.. here goes. Old lady goes to the dr complaining of an itch down there. She’s worried it’s crabs.. Dr takes a look and say’s to here I’ve got good news and bad news.. good news is it isn’t crabs.. Bad news, your cherries rotten and you have fruit flies.. yeah I know.. but my Grandma told this..
A man is sitting at a bar. The woman next to him says "I'll do anything you want for $200". He thinks about it for a minute, opens his wallet, slaps 2 $100 bills on the bar and says, "Paint my house."
SO love your material, personas, and, if you must know, your wife. But, that's for another time.
That joke you just told I had heard.... about 45 years ago! So, while you're strip mining the past for jokes (which is a noble endeavor), here's one you might have heard, or not... told about the time of the martooni joke.
A quiet sleepy dive bar in a drowsy town deep in southern Alabammy. 1am. A biker walks in, gazes at the assorted wastrels with heads hanging down at various angles at the tarnished, 100 year old wooden bar. He's 6'3", huge biceps, tattoos, with the requisite dirty chain going from his belt loop to his aged wallet in his back pocket. Sidles up to the bar. Looks around at the motley assemblage, and picks up the 4 foot alligator on a small leash he walked in with, places it on the bar, belly up. Stares at the bartender, and anyone foolish enough to look him in the eye, turns his attention to the alligator, strokes its belly to put it in a relaxed, hypnotic state. Suddenly, he ostentatiously unzips. Takes out a hairy, wrinkled, far too white phallus, opens the alligator's jaws with his hands, and lays his member gently between the open jaws of his pet. Raises his hamhock of a hand and SLAMS it down on the alligator's belly. The jaws close at 100mph and stop 1/16th of an inch short of its teeth ripping into his member. Slowly, he takes his rather putrid heat-seeking moisture missile and stuffs it back into his pants. Closes the jaws of his pet, and looks around the bar with menace, and challenge. Says loudly, "Anyone ELSE here feel like trying to do that????"
At the end of the bar, an old woman of about 78 slowly lifts her head, stares through her stained glasses at him, and says, "Well, I will... but you gotta promise not to hit my belly so hard".
Tyvm. I'm here all night. Please tip your servers well.
this is actually awesome. im so socially an outlier that my sense of humor comes across as awkward and super dark a lot. but when i occassionally get it right, it really helps diffuse the tension surrounding the fact im technically homeless. this is like 30% of the reason i follow comedy. i get little clues as to how to better navigate dealing with humans who dont know how to relate to an absolute weirdo like me
Here is my all time favorite joke, so it's nothing but downhill from here. There were two tea connoisseurs (much like those two fellers on that "Puttin' On Air" show) who were discussing the best teas they ever had. One said to the other, "In Australia, there's a little town called Mercy, and that's where I had the best cup of tea I ever had. If you find yourself in Australia, do yourself a favor and go there for a cup of tea." It just so happened, as fate unfolds, the second connoisseur found himself in Sydney, decided to rent himself a jeep and drove to the Outback where the little town was located. It was a one stoplight town but on Main Street there was cafe. He went into the cafe and told the waitress that he heard that they make the best cup of tea in the world. The waitress excitedly nodded her head and said, "Yes, and it's made out of the fur of the koala bear." "Hmmm," said the connoisseur, "well that's why I am here, so brew it up." In about 5 minutes the waitress brought out the cup of tea and placed it in front of the connoisseur. He looks down and sees fur floating on the top of the tea. He wrinkles his nose and says, "I can't drink THAT." The waitress stiffens her back and admonishes, "Sir, the koala tea of Mercy is not strained."
I love this idea! Let’s get into it! Like a couple weeks ago when you and Trae were discussing street jokes on POA. Like y’all, I too, am fascinated by why some of the best jokes are author-less. I could talk about stuff like this for hours.
I mentally translated that into a very Jewish Catskill comedian, which I get is problematic for today, but you KNOW that is how it was done originally!
Groan. That was really good.
sooo.. i have one my Grandma told us about 30 years ago.. made me laugh hard as it was my Grandma telling it.. grosses out people but dang it.. my Grandma told it and it's funny.. here goes. Old lady goes to the dr complaining of an itch down there. She’s worried it’s crabs.. Dr takes a look and say’s to here I’ve got good news and bad news.. good news is it isn’t crabs.. Bad news, your cherries rotten and you have fruit flies.. yeah I know.. but my Grandma told this..
I love cheesy jokes. That one was great.
The Aristocrats!!! 😎🤣
A man is sitting at a bar. The woman next to him says "I'll do anything you want for $200". He thinks about it for a minute, opens his wallet, slaps 2 $100 bills on the bar and says, "Paint my house."
Corey,
SO love your material, personas, and, if you must know, your wife. But, that's for another time.
That joke you just told I had heard.... about 45 years ago! So, while you're strip mining the past for jokes (which is a noble endeavor), here's one you might have heard, or not... told about the time of the martooni joke.
A quiet sleepy dive bar in a drowsy town deep in southern Alabammy. 1am. A biker walks in, gazes at the assorted wastrels with heads hanging down at various angles at the tarnished, 100 year old wooden bar. He's 6'3", huge biceps, tattoos, with the requisite dirty chain going from his belt loop to his aged wallet in his back pocket. Sidles up to the bar. Looks around at the motley assemblage, and picks up the 4 foot alligator on a small leash he walked in with, places it on the bar, belly up. Stares at the bartender, and anyone foolish enough to look him in the eye, turns his attention to the alligator, strokes its belly to put it in a relaxed, hypnotic state. Suddenly, he ostentatiously unzips. Takes out a hairy, wrinkled, far too white phallus, opens the alligator's jaws with his hands, and lays his member gently between the open jaws of his pet. Raises his hamhock of a hand and SLAMS it down on the alligator's belly. The jaws close at 100mph and stop 1/16th of an inch short of its teeth ripping into his member. Slowly, he takes his rather putrid heat-seeking moisture missile and stuffs it back into his pants. Closes the jaws of his pet, and looks around the bar with menace, and challenge. Says loudly, "Anyone ELSE here feel like trying to do that????"
At the end of the bar, an old woman of about 78 slowly lifts her head, stares through her stained glasses at him, and says, "Well, I will... but you gotta promise not to hit my belly so hard".
Tyvm. I'm here all night. Please tip your servers well.
ps. my favorite joke is a yo mama joke.
your mama so classless shes a marxist utopia.
this is actually awesome. im so socially an outlier that my sense of humor comes across as awkward and super dark a lot. but when i occassionally get it right, it really helps diffuse the tension surrounding the fact im technically homeless. this is like 30% of the reason i follow comedy. i get little clues as to how to better navigate dealing with humans who dont know how to relate to an absolute weirdo like me
Here is my all time favorite joke, so it's nothing but downhill from here. There were two tea connoisseurs (much like those two fellers on that "Puttin' On Air" show) who were discussing the best teas they ever had. One said to the other, "In Australia, there's a little town called Mercy, and that's where I had the best cup of tea I ever had. If you find yourself in Australia, do yourself a favor and go there for a cup of tea." It just so happened, as fate unfolds, the second connoisseur found himself in Sydney, decided to rent himself a jeep and drove to the Outback where the little town was located. It was a one stoplight town but on Main Street there was cafe. He went into the cafe and told the waitress that he heard that they make the best cup of tea in the world. The waitress excitedly nodded her head and said, "Yes, and it's made out of the fur of the koala bear." "Hmmm," said the connoisseur, "well that's why I am here, so brew it up." In about 5 minutes the waitress brought out the cup of tea and placed it in front of the connoisseur. He looks down and sees fur floating on the top of the tea. He wrinkles his nose and says, "I can't drink THAT." The waitress stiffens her back and admonishes, "Sir, the koala tea of Mercy is not strained."
I love this idea! Let’s get into it! Like a couple weeks ago when you and Trae were discussing street jokes on POA. Like y’all, I too, am fascinated by why some of the best jokes are author-less. I could talk about stuff like this for hours.
I mentally translated that into a very Jewish Catskill comedian, which I get is problematic for today, but you KNOW that is how it was done originally!
From my 9yo grandson:
Why did the shark cross the road?
To get to the other tide!
❤️