The Tomato Sandwich Redemption

I don’t know how y’alls summer is going, but my allergies have really got me up against the ropes. Between hay season, the scorching heat, and a dew point that makes it feel like you’re walking through a yard sprinkler shootin’ out coffee, I’m bout as ready for fall as a boy can be. The Summer is sorta like ordering dessert at a restaurant before you’ve finished your steak: it seems like a good idea at the time, but then you end up sweatin’ through it and feel like puking the rest of the day.

The only thing, in my opinion, that makes a southern summer worth all the hassle, is knowing I can eat my weight in tomato sandwiches for a while. As weird as it is, I actually look forward to the ulcers I get on my lips cause that’s how you know them’s good 'maters. It’s kinda like god showing his work on a test. If you aren’t from round my neck of the woods, I will share with you the recipe for the perfect tomato sandwich. I’m sorry if this gets a little complicated, but remember, anything worth doing is worth doing right. So here ya go. Here’s what you’ll need for the perfect Tomato sandwich:

2 pieces of white bread

1 big ass tomato

salt and pepper

a big ole slab of Duke’s mayonnaise

Well, I guess that wasn’t so complicated after all, huh? They do say that the best things in life are simple I reckon, and a tomato sandwich is most certainly one of the best things in life. It’s one of the many things that I grew to appreciate far too late into my journey here on this cursed planet we call Earth. Momma and Granny used to talk about ‘em like they were caviar, and I just couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. Then one day they told me to shut up and eat one and it changed my life forever. I don’t like being told to shut up, but if you hand me a tomato sandwich afterwards I am more inclined to forgive you.

So as I sit here, coughin’, hackin’, sneezin’ and snortin’ my way through another miserable southern summer day, I believe I will look once again to my friend, the tomato sandwich, for a little bit of solace. Time moves like a Kenyan wind sprinter for me these days, so I know fall is just around the corner. When that time comes, I’ll have to find something else to complain about.

Have a great day, yall