So are the Little Johnny jokes like the Brooklyn Tony jokes?
The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
Little Johnny is in class and the teacher says "Class, today I want you to come up to the board and draw what you think of when you think of excitement" So little Suzie comes up first and draws a big wavy line on the board and says "That is thunder and it is exciting" Next up comes little Bobby and he he draws a jagged line on the board and says "Lightening!" Then Little Johnny comes up and draws a dot on the black board and goes to sit down. The teachers says "Wait, Little Johnny, what is that?" and Johnny turns around and says "That's a period". The teach says, "But why is THAT so exciting?" Johnny scratches his head and replied "Fucked if I know teach but my sister and has missed three of them and everyone at my house is freaking out!"
To get the ball rolling, I will start with some of my recent, hacky Tweet jokes. I make no claims to originality or quality. The jokes and really most anything I say on Twitter.
Jun 23 - It's so hot in here I could fry an egg on my stove.
Jun 17 (in reply to Paula Poundstone) - I prefer a laissez-faire approach to sleep as opposed to a more burdened regulatory approach, as described in the book Atlas Snugged.
May 22 (in reply to Dennis Carlin) - ..my memory is like a steel trap, it hurts really bad and makes my leg bleed.
April 27 (in reply to Jason Isbell's post about Southern Idioms he just made up):
Bob and Darryl are sittin' on the porch. Bob's dog is laying in front of them, licking his privates. Darryl says: "Boy, I wish I could do that." Bob says: "Suit yourself, but you might want to pet him first."
So what are the "rules" for the send in jokes thing? Are these jokes that the listener's write, jokes that they have overheard, or like classic jokes from other comedians? Or all?
So are the Little Johnny jokes like the Brooklyn Tony jokes?
The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
Another example of LIttle Johnny in pop culture. From the brilliant movie Natural Born Killers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG4W389Gmcs
I'm gonna try to recall a Little Johnnie Joke my Uncle Doug told years ago. I only really remember the punchline. So I may botch the setup.
A 2nd grade teacher told her class to come up with a sentence using the words "pistol" and "two"
The first kid walks up and says, "The man owned a pistol or two."
The second kid walks up and says, "My Dad has a pistol an two dogs."
Little Johnnie walks up and says, "We're from the country where we make our own brew. We drink till 10 and piss till two."
Three animals approached the pearly gates, hoping to be admitted to heaven. One was a Doberman, one was a Golden Retriever and one was a cat.
God was sitting in his golden chair and he said, "Before I find you worthy to enter my kingdom, I must ask each one of you a question.
To the Doberman, he said "Doberman? What do you believe?
The Doberman replied "I believe it was my duty and my destiny to use my strength and discipline to protect my human family."
God said "Very good, you may enter the kingdom of heaven."
To the Golden Retriever, God said "Golden Retriever, what do you believe?"
The Golden Retriever replied "I believe it was my duty and my greatest pleasure to give all the love in my heart to my human family."
God said, "Very good, you may enter the kingdom of heaven."
God then turned to the cat and said "And cat, what do you believe?"
The cat looked up at Him and replied
"I believe you're in my chair."
The European/yer a'peein' wordplay triggered this old memory:
"I named my new puppy Liberace because he's the pianist." (Peein'-est)
Favorite Little Johnny Joke:
Little Johnny is in class and the teacher says "Class, today I want you to come up to the board and draw what you think of when you think of excitement" So little Suzie comes up first and draws a big wavy line on the board and says "That is thunder and it is exciting" Next up comes little Bobby and he he draws a jagged line on the board and says "Lightening!" Then Little Johnny comes up and draws a dot on the black board and goes to sit down. The teachers says "Wait, Little Johnny, what is that?" and Johnny turns around and says "That's a period". The teach says, "But why is THAT so exciting?" Johnny scratches his head and replied "Fucked if I know teach but my sister and has missed three of them and everyone at my house is freaking out!"
What did the English Bobby say to the three headed dragon?
‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello
To get the ball rolling, I will start with some of my recent, hacky Tweet jokes. I make no claims to originality or quality. The jokes and really most anything I say on Twitter.
Jun 23 - It's so hot in here I could fry an egg on my stove.
Jun 17 (in reply to Paula Poundstone) - I prefer a laissez-faire approach to sleep as opposed to a more burdened regulatory approach, as described in the book Atlas Snugged.
May 22 (in reply to Dennis Carlin) - ..my memory is like a steel trap, it hurts really bad and makes my leg bleed.
April 27 (in reply to Jason Isbell's post about Southern Idioms he just made up):
That dog won't eat.
If the good lord's willin and maybe later.
Dance with that one over there.
Don't hug your chicken before they sleep.
Bye for now!
First one that comes to mind:
Bob and Darryl are sittin' on the porch. Bob's dog is laying in front of them, licking his privates. Darryl says: "Boy, I wish I could do that." Bob says: "Suit yourself, but you might want to pet him first."
So what are the "rules" for the send in jokes thing? Are these jokes that the listener's write, jokes that they have overheard, or like classic jokes from other comedians? Or all?
喵喵 喵喵 喵，你是只好猫。。愿你三冬暖，愿你春不寒，愿你天黑有灯，下雨有 伞，愿你