My Dad wasn’t really a joke teller but what did embarrass us as teens was when he would “chat up” servers on the rare occasion we ate out. Didn’t matter who, where, or when, Dad always had a comment or several. Some included teasing but he was always respectful.
Damned if my kids didn’t complain about me doing the same thing!
I don't think I know any Dad jokes, but I know a joke about Einstein, and he was an old man once. It's reported that Einstein was thought to be a slow learner when he was a child. He rarely uttered a word, and his parents consulted a doctor about his slow speech, but one day at dinner, when he was about 5, he announced, "You burnt the biscuits, Ma!" His mother was elated. She asked, "Son, why have you waited so long to speak?" Einstein replied, "Well up 'til now, everything's been OK!"
When I was a kid, it was my Uncles who had jokes. But many were actually riddles. Here’s my fave:
“As I was on the road to St. Ives, I met a man with 7 wives. Each wife had 7 sacks, each sack had 7 cats, each cat had 7 kits. Kits, cats, sacks and wives... How many were going to St. Ives?”
The quick cadence was the real ‘sell’ for this one. As a child, you’re busy trying to figure out the math. As an adult, you can see the simple answer. My Uncles were funny and clever and why I love comedy to this day. 🔥
Glad you have your breath back! Don't know if it's officially a dad joke, but this is the one I used to tell to embarrass the kids.
A piece of string walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer"
The bartenders says, "We don't serve string here"
"Aw come on, give me a beer!"
The bartender says, "No, we don't serve string here, and I think you should leave."
The piece of string gets all upset, goes outside and just twists himself, pulls his hair crying. Pretty soon he's just a fuzzy little ball. He rolls back into the bar, up onto a stool and says "Give me a beer."
The bartender says, "Hey... aren't you that piece of string that was in here before?"
Going off topic because I heard a couple good ones today. One of these is Jackie the Jokeman and the other I have no source on. I will start with the latter.
"Guy goes into a doctor's office. Says doc, I can't stop masturbating. I do it all the time. I do it everywhere I go. I can't stop. Do you think this will affect my health? Am I gonna die from it? The doctor says, sir, you need to stop masturbating. Guy says, forever? Doc says, no, just right now so I can examine you."
"Guy has sex with his girlfriend and after she looks in the box of condoms. The box holds a dozen condoms. She says there's only five left what happened to the rest of them? He said I masturbated into em. The next night she's out with a guy friend and tells him the story and asks if he's ever done that. He says sure, all the time. She says, really, you jerk off into condoms? He says, no, I thought you meant do I ever lie to my girlfriend."
Joke Of The Day 8/16 - Hearing Loss
Guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only Saran Wrap. The doctor says “Clearly, I can see you’re nuts.”
my dad's big mastiff mix was named Heeza. Heeza Dog, sometimes Heeza B. Motherfucker, Heeza Droolin, other colorful appellations.
My Dad wasn’t really a joke teller but what did embarrass us as teens was when he would “chat up” servers on the rare occasion we ate out. Didn’t matter who, where, or when, Dad always had a comment or several. Some included teasing but he was always respectful.
Damned if my kids didn’t complain about me doing the same thing!
I don't think I know any Dad jokes, but I know a joke about Einstein, and he was an old man once. It's reported that Einstein was thought to be a slow learner when he was a child. He rarely uttered a word, and his parents consulted a doctor about his slow speech, but one day at dinner, when he was about 5, he announced, "You burnt the biscuits, Ma!" His mother was elated. She asked, "Son, why have you waited so long to speak?" Einstein replied, "Well up 'til now, everything's been OK!"
When I was a kid, it was my Uncles who had jokes. But many were actually riddles. Here’s my fave:
“As I was on the road to St. Ives, I met a man with 7 wives. Each wife had 7 sacks, each sack had 7 cats, each cat had 7 kits. Kits, cats, sacks and wives... How many were going to St. Ives?”
The quick cadence was the real ‘sell’ for this one. As a child, you’re busy trying to figure out the math. As an adult, you can see the simple answer. My Uncles were funny and clever and why I love comedy to this day. 🔥
Glad you have your breath back! Don't know if it's officially a dad joke, but this is the one I used to tell to embarrass the kids.
A piece of string walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer"
The bartenders says, "We don't serve string here"
"Aw come on, give me a beer!"
The bartender says, "No, we don't serve string here, and I think you should leave."
The piece of string gets all upset, goes outside and just twists himself, pulls his hair crying. Pretty soon he's just a fuzzy little ball. He rolls back into the bar, up onto a stool and says "Give me a beer."
The bartender says, "Hey... aren't you that piece of string that was in here before?"
"No, I'm afraid not."
:D
Going off topic because I heard a couple good ones today. One of these is Jackie the Jokeman and the other I have no source on. I will start with the latter.
"Guy goes into a doctor's office. Says doc, I can't stop masturbating. I do it all the time. I do it everywhere I go. I can't stop. Do you think this will affect my health? Am I gonna die from it? The doctor says, sir, you need to stop masturbating. Guy says, forever? Doc says, no, just right now so I can examine you."
"Guy has sex with his girlfriend and after she looks in the box of condoms. The box holds a dozen condoms. She says there's only five left what happened to the rest of them? He said I masturbated into em. The next night she's out with a guy friend and tells him the story and asks if he's ever done that. He says sure, all the time. She says, really, you jerk off into condoms? He says, no, I thought you meant do I ever lie to my girlfriend."
My favorite Dad joke - What does a pirate say when you hit him in the “ family jewels”? Menards !!!! 🤣Love you
Corey !
that was funny.. Dad jokes are awesome cause they make you laugh all the time