As soon as I heard the word “Nestle” I knew the Butterfinger BBs were coming! 😂
1. I’d appreciate it if the aliens could un-gerrymander the United States so democracy could maybe come back. Bonus points if they could deprogram the MAGAs.
2. High speed rail from coast to coast would be peachy.
3. Safe, “Do it yourself” liposuction seems like a thing they should be able to give us.
4. I’d also request the return of raspberry Kool-Aid, Tom’s Hot Fries, Farmer Brown’s Fried Chicken, and the green Freshen Up gum. (Hence #3)
5. I’d want them to time travel us back to the late 80s so I could tell Kenny Rogers to not have facial plastic surgery.
Oh, and if the aliens can teach us time travel, I want to go back to a decade where all of my favorite antiques were still affordable. Buy what I want and then back to the future!
I want the aliens to design a house with a reset button -- so I can push Reboot and the house cleans itself.
And teleportation, minus transmogrifying into a fly or any other insect.
Corey, I am still in awe of the phrase "alien rumpspringa".
Your list reminds me of "Inside Actor's Studio" where the host, James Lipton would give a questionnaire at the end of the show -- one of the questions was "If heaven exists, what do you want God to say to you."
My answer would have been: "All of your demands have been met. Your family is all here. Your friends are all here. Every pet you ever had is here, in good health, and waiting for you. All of your favorite authors are here. Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker, and Mark Twain have the coffee made already. Now -- will you please, please, PLEASE consent to enter the kingdom of heaven???"
Based on the timing, Science can only conclude that our extraterrestrial pals are announcing their presence to coincide with the 35th anniversary of the TIFF premiere of 1988's very perfect alien film: Earth Girls Are Easy. On behalf of a grateful galaxy, they are probably here to thank us, so all I can ask is that they don't try to take Jeff Goldblum back. He's ours now.
...along with anyone and everyone who shall also be chucked into the same black hole hereafter who even dares to whisper the words, “Hunter Biden’s laptop.”
Where do you come up with these phrases: "Hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock?" That is hilarious. I have the same request. and the same request about food.
All video games on one damn platform with one universal remote. Of course, the developers would magically be compensated with a living wage, because higher sentience blah blah, pay the fuckin artist, they deserve compensation for keeping us entertained.
But seriously, all games, one platform... too much fuckin plastic and desk space and switching and... seriously? It’s 2023, why can’t we be more efficient by now... just gonna go sigh in the corner. Real loud like.
And this last little request... All people who do not love, enjoy, and appreciate spending time with children, old people, and/or animals shall be isolated on their own island where they can’t cause any distress to people who actually have emotional complexity. (Was that too snarky??)
This is all. Off to work now. Have a great day! Sherri out...
😆😂🤣 I heard you read this on skews last evening and I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe!!! (Questionable bladder issues might have also occurred but we don’t need to discuss that today... 🤪)
I wish you had included ice cream, anything chocolate, and all varieties of cheese. Oh, and bacon. Bacon needs to be a veggie like celery or lettuce. Seriously.
I also have a new request too. I want everything to be self-cleaning. Floors, windows, dishes, cars, clothes, bodies, etc... I would sincerely and gratefully appreciate your consideration in adding this request to your list before the final submission to the Overlords. Pretty please with sugar on top...? 😊
As soon as I heard the word “Nestle” I knew the Butterfinger BBs were coming! 😂
1. I’d appreciate it if the aliens could un-gerrymander the United States so democracy could maybe come back. Bonus points if they could deprogram the MAGAs.
2. High speed rail from coast to coast would be peachy.
3. Safe, “Do it yourself” liposuction seems like a thing they should be able to give us.
4. I’d also request the return of raspberry Kool-Aid, Tom’s Hot Fries, Farmer Brown’s Fried Chicken, and the green Freshen Up gum. (Hence #3)
5. I’d want them to time travel us back to the late 80s so I could tell Kenny Rogers to not have facial plastic surgery.
Oh, and if the aliens can teach us time travel, I want to go back to a decade where all of my favorite antiques were still affordable. Buy what I want and then back to the future!
I want the aliens to design a house with a reset button -- so I can push Reboot and the house cleans itself.
And teleportation, minus transmogrifying into a fly or any other insect.
Corey, I am still in awe of the phrase "alien rumpspringa".
Your list reminds me of "Inside Actor's Studio" where the host, James Lipton would give a questionnaire at the end of the show -- one of the questions was "If heaven exists, what do you want God to say to you."
My answer would have been: "All of your demands have been met. Your family is all here. Your friends are all here. Every pet you ever had is here, in good health, and waiting for you. All of your favorite authors are here. Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker, and Mark Twain have the coffee made already. Now -- will you please, please, PLEASE consent to enter the kingdom of heaven???"
My ego needs its own area code.
blessings to you and all your friends and kin.
Based on the timing, Science can only conclude that our extraterrestrial pals are announcing their presence to coincide with the 35th anniversary of the TIFF premiere of 1988's very perfect alien film: Earth Girls Are Easy. On behalf of a grateful galaxy, they are probably here to thank us, so all I can ask is that they don't try to take Jeff Goldblum back. He's ours now.
NO!!!!! Don't take our Jeff!!!!!!
Tell the aliens they can probe me if they get us the calorie free but still super tasty Krispy Kreme’s. 😜
An anal probe of Trump.
Lol 😆
Dear aliens; please chuck hunter's laptop into the nearest black hole. Thank you
Haha yes, so sick of hearing about it.
...along with anyone and everyone who shall also be chucked into the same black hole hereafter who even dares to whisper the words, “Hunter Biden’s laptop.”
Where do you come up with these phrases: "Hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock?" That is hilarious. I have the same request. and the same request about food.
That one I stole from my Uncle Mark 🤣
I would like the alien overlords to provide us with magic carpets so we can avoid airports.
All video games on one damn platform with one universal remote. Of course, the developers would magically be compensated with a living wage, because higher sentience blah blah, pay the fuckin artist, they deserve compensation for keeping us entertained.
But seriously, all games, one platform... too much fuckin plastic and desk space and switching and... seriously? It’s 2023, why can’t we be more efficient by now... just gonna go sigh in the corner. Real loud like.
And this last little request... All people who do not love, enjoy, and appreciate spending time with children, old people, and/or animals shall be isolated on their own island where they can’t cause any distress to people who actually have emotional complexity. (Was that too snarky??)
This is all. Off to work now. Have a great day! Sherri out...
I am with you on this!
Oh, and one more tiny thing. Please please ask them to make one spelling and one pronunciation per each English language word.
😆😂🤣 I heard you read this on skews last evening and I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe!!! (Questionable bladder issues might have also occurred but we don’t need to discuss that today... 🤪)
I wish you had included ice cream, anything chocolate, and all varieties of cheese. Oh, and bacon. Bacon needs to be a veggie like celery or lettuce. Seriously.
I also have a new request too. I want everything to be self-cleaning. Floors, windows, dishes, cars, clothes, bodies, etc... I would sincerely and gratefully appreciate your consideration in adding this request to your list before the final submission to the Overlords. Pretty please with sugar on top...? 😊
Thank you, Sherri!
Lol! You were hilarious last night on the Skews! Sorry Mark was depressed though!! 🥰🥰🥰
Ain’t he always? 🤣
Wellllll... lol!! 😉😉😉