The United Hates Of America
An Essay About The “Culture War”
I hate to be the “back in my day!” guy at only 34 years old, but damn it all when did we get so mean? I know that sounds a little ironic coming from a feller whose (unfortunate) claim to fame is screaming into his phone, but A.) I try not to do that anymore (thank you, therapy!) and B.) I could argue that almost every time I did it was in response to something that I deemed hateful. I know that two wrongs don’t make a right, but I’m a self righteous prick (see:liberal) and I’ll die on this hill.
If there is one thing I agree with conservatives on (and it is just one thing) it is that liberals can be super annoying and will happily boot you out of their club if you don’t toe the line 100%. What’s that? You disagree with .01%? Get outta here, you Nazi! Politics ain’t no place for nuance!! For all of you who may be reading this not knowing who I am, I say all this as someone who is extremely left leaning. I’m on your team, I promise, I just don’t think there is anything wrong with calling a spade a spade.
That said, with most “conservatives” I know, that is usually their biggest gripe: the left is annoying. Being from Georgia, having lived here my entire life, and having that place be a small rural Civil War town, it should come as no surprise to you that a great many of my childhood friends identify as conservatives. I put conservative in quotes earlier and made a point in saying that they “identify” as conservatives because I don’t believe they really are. When I ask them about issues that are extremely important to me, 9/10 times they are on my side. They think weed should be legal, a woman should have autonomy over her body, gay people should be allowed to get married, and for the most part they don’t give a damn if a person of color plays a fake-fish-lady in a picture show.
They also don’t think it’s right for someone to have to go bankrupt just because their kid got cancer, the only difference is that they are not even remotely interested in a conversation about what we could do to change that. That whole “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality has been indoctrinated in them so hard that they can’t wiggle loose from it. Until it happens to them of course. Same thing happens when one of them has a gay kid. All of a sudden they consider them people worthy of love. I think that’s the main difference between an on-the-fence-conservative and an on-the-fence-liberal: empathy. The ability to stand behind a cause that doesn’t affect you personally because you know it’s the right thing.
But I digress. Back to being mean!
I will look at these people after our conversation and say “you see? We have more in common than we have differences!” Then I’ll ask them why they identify as a conservative and it comes right back to “liberals are so annoying” or “liberals are so mean!”
Now the annoying part I won’t argue a damn bit on. It’s true. But is that really enough of a fault to reject the things you know in your heart you believe? To stand behind leaders who have committed their entire political careers to preaching the opposite? I don’t know about you, but I’d take “annoying” over “morally bankrupt” any day, but that’s just me.
The “mean” part I have a little trouble with though. Calling liberals mean seems like a stark contradiction of the long time narrative that liberals are weak-minded-pacifists who think love is the answer to everything. It’s always gotten under my skin. You can’t both call a group of people “beta-bitch-soy-boys” and then turn right around and say that Antifa is the greatest terrorist threat to our nation. Gonna need y’all to pick a lane. And furthermore, where the hell do conservatives get off calling US mean? These are the same people who stood behind a man who mocked a disabled reporter, called immigrants rapists, and cheered at the notion of elected leaders being hanged to death on January 6th. Where do you get the nerve?
And then I remembered that these so called “conservative” friends of mine weren’t insurrectionists. They weren’t in the cult of Trump. They are something that we’ve almost forgotten existed: regular conservatives. They didn’t like any of that stuff either. And I want to give them a little credit here, but at the same time it is absolutely DESPICABLE that you could sit by as your party torpedoes headfirst into Fascism and while you don’t condone it, you say nothing because you don’t want to pay more in taxes. Actually let me rephrase that… you don’t want your BOSS to have to pay more taxes. Because these sacks of shit have convinced you to vote against your own self interest because if you just work hard, one day you too could be a millionaire, and it’s not fair to be taxed just for achieving the American dream is it? Absolutely pathetic.
I had a buddy finally explain to me what he means when he said that liberals are so mean. He said “well it’s just… you can’t really say anything anymore without offending somebody!” Oh great, this again. Someone is yet again upset that they can’t say the N-word at a company picnic. Give me a break. “No no, that’s not what I mean at all”
He continued and let me know that it’s the constant moving of the goal post when it comes to language and morals in this country. “Like. Let’s say for instance I accidentally misgender some one. It’s an honest mistake. I’ve been on this earth 40 years and for most of those 40 years, if you had a beard, I called you sir”
I went on to explain that when people are misgendered, it can be triggering for them because they’ve gone most of their life being called something that they weren’t, and when you do it, it seems as though you are blatantly unaccepting of them as a person. He then told me that that’s not true. “Just correct me. Just say you prefer ma’am. I promise I’ll call you that. But no. The pitchforks come out and I’m lambasted as a pariah on the internet. And people will be wanting to get me fired!”
That part actually made sense to me. There are obviously TONS of people who are assholes to minorities and basically anyone who isn’t a straight white male. Of course that exists. But there’s honestly probably more who have just made an honest mistake, and we lump them in with the first group. As a straight white man, I can tell you that for the most part, we are a weak creature. If we feel like we are being ganged up on, we do some pretttty stupid shit.
I said all that not to say that we should just “let it go” when someone says something insensitive. I guess what I’m saying is… maybe we should use it as a teaching moment, and not an opportunity to scream our heads off and virtue signal just to make ourselves feel better?
Y’all can do whatever you want, of course, but I’m gonna give it a try. I’m going to try to have civil conversations with people and not assume that just because they used a word that we only decided a few years ago was a slur that they are Satan incarnate. I’m going to try and assume that more people are like my buddies. Willing to learn, willing to be wrong, and willing to make it right.
Now if it turns out they are just an asshole, I’ll scream at em. I hate mother fuckers like that!
‘Corey
Thank you for writing this essay.
I wish to God someone (someone who might be listened to) would come up with an accurate, easily-understood definition of "liberal" and "conservative." These are words are hurled back and forth like shitballs in a playground fight. To the people who do the throwing, "liberal" and "conservative" mean as much as "dickbrain" and "poophead."
I don't call this intelligent discourse. It's nasty, childish, and I'm sick of it. I don't know how many pundits I've written to, asking to please, PLEASE publish a rational definition of "liberal" and "conservative" (No answers yet.)
The best I've been able to come up with myself, is the following: To the conservatives, a liberal is someone who wants to raise taxes to help poor people who don't deserve it. To liberals, a conservative is someone who wants to lower taxes to help rich people who don't need it.
As for the meanness -- I think it is partly the result of being held hostage (mentally) by the advertising industry.
Where did we used to find our values? Church and school. Maybe these values were narrow and sometimes punitive, but they were something to guide you through life -- and they were meant to be taught and absorbed inside.
Today, what tells us who to be and even more, how to appear? Advertising -- endless, inescapable advertising -- buy a jar of this and you'll be BETTER. Being in America is being subject to an incessant hold-up -- give us some money and we might leave you alone for five minutes. It's like being flogged by a rubber chicken, all day, every day.
TV, radio and Internet all depend on advertising money in order to exist. Media tells us what to think, and advertising tells us how to look on the outside. The right appearance has become a virtue.
Political opinion has become another item to be sold and that brings me to the concept of marketing and Rush Limbaugh (and his ilk).
I blame a lot of the national meanness on talk radio. I seriously wonder if Rush Limbaugh ever believed one word that left his hyperactive mouth -- or was he paid to say those things? He found a huge audience of people who felt angry, ignored, and scorned by the "elite," people who were probably still mad at their high-school English teacher for giving them a "D." Huge audience = marketing group. Let's pay for Rush Limbaugh and his pseudo-political drool!
If PBS had been able to come up with the cash, I bet Limbaugh would have become a liberal commentator overnight!
Talk radio hosts and now, podcasters, preach to the converted. The larger the number of converted, the larger the market, the more advertising revenue.
And people who feel left out of the so-called American Dream, feel like they've been given permission to be angry at last, which leads to vicious name-calling.
Side-product -- the meanness. And dare I suggest it? insurrection?
As for liberals, a lot of them need to develop a sense of humor. I suspect that many liberals are so in love with their enlightened views that they can't stop talking about them. They need to listen.
Well, enough of this prattle. Keep writing, cho-daddy.
This is another essay that I related to a lot. I did some reflection on my reply to the granny post and some others where I type like a page. If something hits me in my feels and I have a similar experience, I don't have that filter to just say, "great essay, loved it." Especially when given a forum to reply. I really hope I'm not coming off as obnoxious when I do send long replies. If I am, just make a comment on my post to which I will reply, "great comment, loved it."
As another person who lives in a very red area in a reddish state, I have the same conversations with the same people Corey is talking about here. During an in-person conversation about the issues, me a liberal and them conservative, we agree about 90% of the time. All the disagreements are on the margins, one direction or the other. But we mostly agree.
The trans issue is one that comes up often. My usual response is, do you know a trans person? The answer is always no. Has a trans person ever demanded that you refer to them in a certain way? The answer is always no. Does this issue affect your life in any way? Answer, no. Because of course the answer is no. There just ain't a lot of trans people out there to begin with and the vast majority, if you accidentally misgendered them, wouldn't even say anything. Especially to someone they don't know.
Most times, they agree with that. And then their retort has something to do with litter boxes in school bathrooms for kids who identify as cats and people who identify as tree. I literally had someone say to me, "I ain't never gonna call no they a they because that butchers the English language and it ain't right."
My point being, it ain't an issue anybody thinks about in their daily lives. All the wrong things consistently get shoved into people earholes because that puts eyeballs on tv screens, on computer screens. Now I'm sure there are asshole trans people who call people out at the grocery store for misgendering them by accident. I'm sure there are a lot of "snowflakes" who hear a joke and get all up in arms because the misunderstood the context.
But these are all minor things that effect a very few people. It keeps everyone from actually educating themselves on the shit that affects everybody. Doesn't mean we should ignore bigotry or discrimination. We should fight hard against it. But we can't get all wrapped up in distractions.
Corey is about to have a baby. That baby is gonna cry. Not just for the hell of it, but because that baby is communicating a need. Corey will have a couple of choices. He could throw a bunch of toys in the crib. He could make funny faces and show shiny objects. And that will stop it, for a little while.
And that is a big problem in American politics. We are a bunch of babies with shit in our diapers trying to communicate that and the response is, "hey, look at this shiny thing." America has a diaper rash, is what I'm saying.