A Tradition Unlike Any Other!!

The Masters is the most important sports event on my calendar. It’s been this way since I was a wee lad curled up on the couch rooting for Fred Couples and his buttery smooth swing. Was the Masters on because my dad is a huge golf nerd? Absolutely not. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a fan of golf. He even used to play on occasion with me (sidebar: he would only play 12 holes because he said anything more than that was pointless, and he would hit driver on every hole. Yes, even the par 3’s….. and he would hit the green and make par. Damndest thing I’ve ever seen) But Dad is not someone who is going to tune in to the Valspar Championship or the Honda Classic like I would. But The Masters is a religious experience in sports, and as a red blooded American who grew up during the Vince Lombardi era of football, my dad respects that.

My fandom grew ten fold when I was out of the house in my 20’s and the booming tech age made way for the Masters App. If you aren’t familiar with how The Masters App works, you can watch up to four screens at one time: The Featured groups (most often Tiger and/or whoever is drawing eyeballs at the moment. Usually tournament favorites) Holes 4-6, Amen Corner (holes 11-13) and then holes 15 & 16 (16 being the most electrifying hole. Especially with the Sunday pin placement. It’s where Tiger hit THE shot! And you all know which one I mean!)

Thank god for The Masters App by the way, for if it didn’t exist, me and Rocky Dale Davis (comedian you should check out, and one of my best buds) wouldn’t have been able to watch the final round in 2015 on a used IPad sitting on our bed in the curtained off New York living room where we slept (yes… OUR bed. And it was actually a couch. We both slept on the same couch lol. We’ve come a long way! 🤣)

Nothing has ever stopped me from watching The Masters. I’m not proud of this, but I’ve allowed myself to be fired from jobs because they wouldn’t let me off for my coveted event. In 2009 and 2013 I was fortunate enough to walk the grounds for a practice round (when Vijay Singh skipped the ball thru the water and holed it on 16 I was right there! Oh and one time I had the hangover farts so bad that a lady in a visor publicly cussed me out for stinking up the crowd) and being on those hallowed grounds made my obsession with the tournament something of a sickness. I’m dying to get back, but since you can’t always do that, I stay glued to the TV Thursday-Sunday with 4 additional tablets surrounding my lazy chair.

But today, on the first round of the 2023 Masters…. I missed 4 hours of coverage. For the first time since I can remember, I wasn’t sitting on the edge of my seat all day eating homemade pimento cheese sandwiches that are technically better than the ones you find at Augusta, but spiritually they fall short.

Why did I miss the Thursday coverage? Why did I miss the day where you get to see past champions who are long in the tooth get off to and early (yet fleeting) lead because they drew the morning tee time?

Well, I missed it because my wife came to me today and said the most beautiful 11 words I’ve ever heard in my life “do you want to take our son to the golf course?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. A tear immediately swelled in my eye, and I looked at my wife and said the same thing I said in high school when someone asked me if I wanted to snort a Percocet off of a switch blade: “you’re god damn right I do!!”

For 18 holes today, my wife held my special boy as I traversed the course in route to a very disappointing 92. He slept the whole time, and look… I know he’s only 2 weeks old… but I can’t help but hope against logic that maybe his first memory is his dear old dad hittin a cut 4 iron 225 yards over the water to set up a usually elusive birdie on the par 5 10th.

Even if it’s not his first memory, it’s certainly my new favorite!

Time will tell if he takes after his old man and begins a lifelong obsession with this heartbreaking sport, but maybe… jusssst maybe, I’ll be one day watching him don the green jacket for himself. But if not, I’ll certainly settle for us watching someone else win it together!

Lord I love this boy

Thanks for reading, yall!